An Exercise In Gaining Rapport
When someone is talking to you are you really listening? . . .
While speaking with others or listening to the radio or television, do you pay attention to the words and phrases people use? Try doing that.
Try to identify their dominant modes. (By modes, I mean visual, audio, or kinesthetic.)
Do they see things — “I see what you’re saying.”
Hear things — “I hear what you’re saying.”
Or feel things — “I feel that I have a grasp on what you are saying?”
As you identify their modes, keep a running tally on words and phrases and which mode they represent. Any late night TV show gives you plenty of opportunities to observe speaking habits. Once you get used to paying attention to a stranger’s speaking habits, you can easily go on to the people you know.
Now, once you’ve determined which mode the person you know is using to communicate, practice using the same words and phrases as he or she does. You don’t have to do it exactly. Just stay in the same mode, but use different words. I see — “I view it this way.” I hear — “That sounds right to me.” I feel — “I’m touched by that.”
Another way of gaining rapport is to practice active listening. Repeat what someone has just said to you — as you understand it. Use that person’s dominant perceptual mode.
If they said something important you don’t fully understand, look for the hidden meaning. You do this by asking “What?” questions. Then vary it by asking “Why?” questions to determine the difference in responses.
Find someone you admire and show them the courtesy of listening. People love to be interesting, and if they have your full attention, they know you are listening. Guess what! If you are listening, they must be interesting!
Thanks for reading.
Jan Tincher, Master Neuro Linguistic Programmer, also offers:
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DISCLAIMER: Jan Tincher and/or *Tame Your Brain!* do not guarantee or warrant that the techniques and strategies portrayed will work for everyone. The techniques and strategies are general in nature and may not apply to everyone. The techniques and strategies are not intended to substitute for obtaining medical advice from the medical profession. Always consult your own professionals before making any life-changing decisions.
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