you do something that your partner just hates
. . .
For women, here's a common problem. Let's say you love to go on vacations, but you already know that every morning he'll want to make love the minute he wakes up.
You, on the other hand, like to lay there and relax. But you can't, maybe because you know what he wants. Maybe you are having thoughts like, "I've got bad breath, my hair is a mess, etc."
Knowing he's going to roll over any minute now and start reaching for you, your first reflex is to turn into 'Ice Lady' because of what you are thinking.
He knows this and he hates it. But, he gives it a try, regardless. It's gotten past the stage of him reaching for you, wanting to make love. He's just going through the actions and the thing that sticks out in his mind is that you are rejecting him. What does that do to your wonderful vacation?
How do you break that cycle?
Why not try this:
The minute you feel yourself stiffening, let go, stiffen, let go, etc. Then, look at him and smile. That would definitely get his attention.
Even though you had your 'reflex' -- actions caused by his actions -- you were able to change it in mid-stream, so to speak.
Now, that doesn't change the reality of the situation -- bad breath, bad hair, etc. -- but it gives you a chance to break the cycle and maybe do something about it. Look beyond yourself and see the whole situation for what it has become -- a series of reflexes that leave you both cold.
You can change that.
Look for other reflexes that need to be attended to. What else happens where your reflexes get in your way?
For men, how about when your partner yells at you, then you yell right back -- only louder. Then she gets mad and stomps off. Then you give her the silent treatment. It's a groove you've both gone around and around in, and it's not a very comfortable groove, is it?
You know the minute you do whatever it is that sets her off, she's going to do whatever she does back at you, then you are going to do whatever you do back at her.
It seems to be locked in, so that you can't do 'this' without her doing 'that'. It needs tending to NOW. Find a way not to do 'this' to her 'that'.
How about this? The minute your voice raises, start singing a song. Or laugh out loud and say, "Oh, I didn't mean to yell". Or if you're arguing, and you realize it's getting you nowhere, you can say something like, "Forget I said that. Want me to order a pizza?" You've just diverted her attention, and guess what that does -- it makes a big leap out of the groove.
How does this affect you in ways you don't even think about? Let your mind go back to the times you and your partner are having difficulties. See if they are the same ol', same ol'. If they are, find a new way to respond. Take charge of your responses, your reflexes, and see how that changes your life.
Thanks for reading,
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DISCLAIMER: Jan Tincher and/or "Tame Your Brain!" do not guarantee or warrant that the techniques and strategies portrayed will work for everyone. The techniques and strategies are general in nature and may not apply to everyone. The techniques and strategies are not intended to substitute for obtaining medical advice from the medical profession. Always consult your own professionals before making any life-changing decisions.
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