When I say cry out of habit, I'm not talking about the times when you are crying from deep pain. I'm talking about the times when you cried, but you wish you hadn't. Things weren't really that bad. They weren't life-threatening. You could have survived just fine without the tears. I'm talking about THAT type of crying. Where, afterwards, you felt like you qualified for the *Wimp of the Year* award . . .
Do good-byes have to hurt enough to cry? No. But most do. You know why? There isn't a *good* in good-bye unless YOU put it there. Look for the good. That way you don't cry out of habit.
Granted, it hurts when you say good-bye to someone you won't see again, maybe for a long time. But it doesn't have to hurt right then. You could be like Scarlet O'Hara and *think about it tomorrow.*
For instance, is your son or daughter going to college? Where does your mind go? Won't it be nice to have an extra bedroom? To be able to get in the bathroom when you need to? To have some food left over from a meal? It's not disrespectful to think those things. It's called planning ahead, not crying because you were left behind.
More times than not, in those situations, we wish we would have had more control over our emotions. If we were going to cry because someone was leaving, why cry when they are still here? Why not wait until after they've actually LEFT?
If you could have just held off, you could have enjoyed their visit more -- instead of making it uncomfortable for yourself and -- look around at the others -- maybe everyone else.
Let's look at it from a new perspective. How do you feel when someone else starts crying?
Not good, right?
I don't mean to be insensitive, but crying, in and of itself, sometimes upsets others and most times upsets your system. Not only that, but it's *catchy,* if you know what I mean? You cry, then they cry, then someone down the way cries. Now, they've upset THEIR system.
Maybe now is the time to think about it, to learn a new focus so that it doesn't have to be you that's causing people to feel uncomfortable. Can you do that?
Here's one way: The minute you feel a tear form, form a picture in your mind of your face all red and puffy and blotchy, you can't breath, etc. Who wants the stuffy, red nose? The puffy eyes? The clogged sinuses where sometimes you end up gasping for breath? Not a pretty picture. If you thought about that, maybe you'll decide to take more control of the situation and think about better things. Again I say, crying, in and of itself, really upsets your system. Yikes! Stop it!
If that visualization doesn't dry it up, future pace to an hour or so later, where you realize that there was so much you could have said, but you couldn't because sobs kept you from it. You just wish you hadn't cried. If you hadn't been crying, you could have told them how much you love them, or whatever. That would have been good.
Or here's another scenario. Visualize this. You're crying away, again, trying to talk, but having to gulp every other word. What is that teaching your children, what are you showing by being? There are things that just might be more important than crying. Figure it out and go that route.
We are taught to cry. Or we are taught not to cry. Neither is right or wrong. The situation is what is important. If we decide crying is more important, then cry. If we decide that we are going to be in control of the situation, then be in control.
But decide now to take charge of your life. Decide now not to cry -- out of habit.
Thanks for reading,
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DISCLAIMER: Jan Tincher and/or "Tame Your Brain!" do not guarantee or warrant that the techniques and strategies portrayed will work for everyone. The techniques and strategies are general in nature and may not apply to everyone. The techniques and strategies are not intended to substitute for obtaining medical advice from the medical profession. Always consult your own professionals before making any life-changing decisions.
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