Can you see the ‘good’ in good-byes? Many people can’t. They don’t realize that nothing is bad or good, but thinking makes it so. Do you? . . .
Here’s an example:
A person is leaving, and you are about ready to say your good-byes. What you see in the leaving determines your tomorrows. If you can’t see the good, what are you seeing?
The bad? Right. And what are you showing the person leaving? Certainly not the good, if you’re thinking the bad. Now, what usually happens?
Both of you are upset, right?
Do yourself, and those around you, a favor. Learn to take charge of your thoughts.
Here’s one way to do that. Look at this scenario:
A son is leaving for college.
The family is solemn, helping their son/brother pack the car for college. Now, the car is packed, they’ve said their good-byes, and are watching as his tail lights disappear down the street. There is a sad look is on their faces, because, for a few minutes, they are sad.
Suddenly, they realize he is actually gone.
They all rush into the house… Each with a different purpose in mind!
- The mom gets a new sewing room!
- The dad gets to use the computer more!
- The teenage daughter gets to have the upstairs bathroom all to herself!
Now, that is progressive — and healing — thinking.
They will miss him, of course, but they will have compensation. Their son is going on to a better life. His future is great. It’s not like he’s gone forever, and there is nothing they can do, or would want to do, to stop his progress. They will be helping him by helping themselves.
What is NOT progressive and healing thinking is continually thinking about how much they will miss him.
Here’s the other side of the coin. They didn’t see the “good” in good-bye. They moped and missed him, built their life around what they were missing, and years go by before they realize that they had put their life on hold for a person who was really never coming back to the same life they had known and loved and were missing.
Look at both scenarios. There really is some “good” in good-bye. All we have to do is take control of the situation and look forward to handling it beautifully. If we don’t, we are letting the situation control us.
Why not prepare for these situations?
Why not, say, plan on moping and missing the leaving loved one for a designated period of time — like one hour. OK, maybe a day…
THEN get on with your lives so you will have plenty to share with him when he returns.
Every time you start to miss him, why not retarget your thoughts to all the good things he is accomplishing.
Realize now that you’d probably better start accomplishing things on the home front, too, or you won’t have anything new to share with him when he does come back.
Meet the challenge head on, show your kids, by example, how to act when one has to let go of someone they love. They are always learning from us.
Thanks for reading.
Master Neuro Linguistic Programmer
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I just want to thank you for your great newsletters. I have been subscribing for over a year, but it never crossed my mind that one day your articles would help me go through a dark period in my life.
You see, my husband, Richard, passed away on May 11th 2007 (Mothers Day this year). It was devastating because it was sudden and he was in perfect health. He had a heart attack, and it happened so quickly that we could not revive him.
I have read your past issues (which I filed) to find answers why this happened. He was only 48 yrs old and the future was really looking great for us. We have been married for 11 yrs, just celebrated our anniversary in February, and we have 4 beautiful children, aged from 6 to 10 1/2.
I am a Muslim. Richard was from England and he converted before we got married. Whatever faith we believe in, we all believe in God, and I find your newsletters are helping me a lot to get over my grief and get on with life as I have to bring up four young children on my own. I especially love your article on letting go. I can’t tell you how much that has helped me.
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DISCLAIMER: Jan Tincher and/or “Tame Your Brain!” do not guarantee or warrant that the techniques and strategies portrayed will work for everyone. The techniques and strategies are general in nature and may not apply to everyone. The techniques and strategies are not intended to substitute for obtaining medical advice from the medical profession. Always consult your own professionals before making any life-changing decisions.
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