What happens when someone tells you that a person has cancer (or some other life threatening disease)? Your mind goes to your previous experiences with a loved one or friend that has had it, doesn't it? You then replay the thoughts you had with that person, don't you? It could be *Oh, no. They are going to go through a lot of pain and expense.* Or *Oh, no. They are going to suffer.* Or the worst, in my opinion, *Oh, no. They're going to die.*

Maybe your mind brings up something different, but whatever you come up with is usually not good, right?

So, from then on whenever you think of that person who is going through that experience you think the *Oh no . . .* clause that's settled into your mind as *law*.

Is that good or bad? Well, it's not good if you communicate it by your physiology (shoulders slumped, unable to keep eye contact, etc.) or your face (you have that look -- oh yeah, you know the look we're talking about here. It's usually pity, remorse, sadness, or something else equally negative that says *you know* either that this person will not be with you much longer or that he or she is going to go through a lot of pain in the next few months or years.)

Wow! There are just too many horror stories going around from people who went through this for it not to happen, right?

Don't let this be you.

Don't tell any horror stories. Stop people who take pride in sharing theirs. Stop them nicely, of course, but stop them. Change the subject or say something like *That's too bad (at the very beginning of their story), but isn't it good to hear good things?* Then proceed to tell them something good about your experience. Even if you have to search to find it. This will be your way of helping the next cancer patient from being scared out of their wits. Not only that, but showing by sharing is excellent. The person who is used to talking about only the bad maybe doesn't realize the pain they are causing. You will be showing them a new way to handle their experiences.

NOTE: I understand people need to talk about their experiences, but they need to talk to a professional. If they talk to people -- family and friends -- on a regular basis about their tragedy, they are keeping their tragedy with them. It is to their benefit if you encourage them to remember the good things and get on with their lives.

If you don't look at the good things, if you look at all the bad that is happening to that person, whenever you see that person, you can't keep a bland reaction. You can't keep a cheerful face and pretend for long that things are normal, can you?

At least, that's the way it is with most people. The reaction shows in their face, their physiology, and even though they keep trying not to, it sometimes comes out in their words. Hope dwindles for the patient, maybe a little, maybe a lot.

We need to experience the goodness of sharing our love, NOT our grief.

What can you do about it? How can YOU stop yourself from feeling the bad?

You can change your thoughts.

One way to do that is the technique in *Do You Wish You Didn't Have Negative Feelings?* http://www.tameyourbrain.com/negativefeelings.htm

Another way is to *shatter* the bad feelings. You can learn how to do that here: http://www.tameyourbrain.com/shatter.htm

Whenever you say anything, think about who it is affecting and how. When you realize that it isn't just yourself, but others also, it gives you encouragement to change your thoughts and live a happy life.

Jan

P.S. Here's what I've found to be the best methods for achieving success:
http://www.tameyourbrain.com/successEcourse/successOffer.php

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Copyright 2008, Jan Tincher, All Rights Reserved Worldwide

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DISCLAIMER: Jan Tincher and/or *Tame Your Brain!* do not guarantee or warrant that the techniques and strategies portrayed will work for everyone. The techniques and strategies are general in nature and may not apply to everyone. The techniques and strategies are not intended to substitute for obtaining medical advice from the medical profession. Always consult your own professionals before making any life-changing decisions.

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